Lighting up the Darkness

It’s “that” time of year again – it’s dark when my alarm goes off in the morning, and more often than not, the sun sets before I leave work.  My car has frost on the windshield in the morning, and I’ve returned to wearing a hat and scarf.

I was about to write that I don’t like this time of the year because I miss the sun and it feels like it takes me a long time to warm up once I’m cold…but the truth is that while I miss seeing the sun, I like the feeling of settling into my house, and look foward to climbing into my bed – the one that is piled high with quilts and a down comforter.  The idea of hibernating appeals to me, and I think I’d be happy to just stay home reading, knitting and drinking tea.

For the last few months I’ve been openly exploring Judaism. It has appealed to me for the last few years, and after almost two years of reading about the rituals and following the calendar, I met with the local Rabbi and have started the process of studying in preparation for my conversion.  I look forward to the Friday evening services, where the candles are lit and the prayers are chanted. Slowly I’ve gotten to know members of the community, and they have welcomed me with the proverbial open arms.

Lighting candles to welcome (and end) the sabbath means a great deal to me, even more so now that it’s dark earlier in the evening. This year I will light the candles of a Menorah, and I’m looking forward to watching as the glow grows over the course of the 8 nights. (it may have to be modified for the nights I’m on call, but I am still looking forword to it!)

What does this mean for my friends and family who celebrate Christmas? This year, it doesn’t mean things will have changed a whole lot. Next year and future years? I’m not sure. My immediate family has shifted the focus of the 25th of December over the last few years – it’s now about spending time together as a family with a few small gifts. I suspect that it will remain this sort of day until there are kids running around again.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about a lot of things lately – thinking about where I’m at in my training, where I want to be in two years (or ten years?) and what, outside of work, I am looking for in life. I’ve also been trying to find the snooze button on my biological clock – the drive to procreate is alive and well, but I’m not in a place where I can realistically pursue it right now. There are a lot of possibilities out there, and I’m trying to be ready for whatever comes next – whenever and wherever it appears…

(more patient composites to come – they’ve been in draft mode and I’ll finish them up tomorrow.)